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It's fascinating to learn about the countless origins of our modern day wedding customs as popular legend has it. Below are some of the more popular customs used today and their origin or meanings, plus a few extra wedding ideas.
Leap Day Proposal
In medieval England, a woman was entitled to propose to a man on February 29th because the day didn't officially exist. Many ladies marked this (rare) sign of equality by popping the question.
The Engagement Ring
In the earliest days of the human race, the betrothal ritual involved an exchange of gifts or property from the groom-to-be to the bride-to-be's parents. This was not only ceremonial, but also an important part of the marriage contract because the bride's family was losing her to another lineage forever, and sought compensation for this. The betrothal eventually gave way in the eighteenth century to a courtship whereby a groom chose his bride for reasons of love.
Engagement, or betrothal, rings date back to the ancient days of marriage by purchase when gold rings were circulated as currency. The groom-to-be would offer his bride-to-be a gold ring both as his partial payment and as a symbol of his intentions. Brides-to-be in these earlier times wore woven bands made of rush (a flexible marsh plant with hollow stems), and replaced them each year. Roman brides-to-be wore rings made of iron to symbolize the permanent, unending nature of marriage. During Medieval times, grooms-to-be placed the ring on three of the bride's fingers in turn to represent the Holy Trinity -- the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.
An engagement ring becomes an outward indication to everyone that a woman has pledged her love to one man alone. The Greek "adamant" means steadfast or invincible. It is from this word that the diamond gets its name. Diamonds were believed to be invincible, indestructible, and exceedingly strong. It is easy to understand then why it was chosen to symbolize purity and light, protected against evil. Legend tells us that the diamond's sparkle rose from the lovers' fires, and that it possessed great harmonizing powers. The icy fire of the true white diamond remains the foremost symbol of love.
The Time & The Place
As for the time of year, the saying 'Marry in the month of May, and you'll live to rue the day' dates back to Pagan times. May, the start of summer, was dedicated to outdoor orgies (i.e. the summer festival Beltane), hardly the best way to begin married life! Queen Victoria is said to have banned her children from marrying in May, and Nineteenth Century Vicars were rushed off their feet on April 30th because Brides refused to marry during May. The sun has always been associated with sexual stimulation and, therefore future fertility. In Scotland it was traditional for the Bride to 'walk with the sun', proceeding from east to west on the south side of the church and then circling the Church three times 'sunwise' for good luck.
Tying the Knot
First version: The Babylonians removed a thread from the bride's gown and the groom's clothes and tied them together.
Second version: The Roman bride would wear a girdle that was tied in knots, which the groom had to untie (this could also be the start of the "removing the garter").
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Marry in the Month of June
It is believed that June is a lucky month to marry because June was named after Juno, the ancient Roman goddess of marriage and protector of women.
Sunday was the most popular wedding day, as it was the one day most people were free from work. Puritans in the Seventeenth Century put a stop to this, they believed it was improper to be festive on the Sabbath.
The Bachelor's Party
Spartan soldiers honored the groom the day before the wedding - drinking, eating and swearing unending loyalty and friendship to each other and drinking again. Sounds familiar? In her excellent book, "Weddings" Alison Price confesses that she is glad the habit of holding the stag parties the night before the wedding has changed. A tired groom suffering a violent hangover is unlikely to recall the wedding day as the biggest of his life-nor isn't much fun for the bride.
Bridal Shower (Also known as "Hen Party")
The idea to give gifts is fairly new, dating from the 1890's. At one shower, the bride's friend placed small gifts inside a Japanese parasol, and then opened it over the bride's head so all of the presents would "shower" over her. When word of this hit the fashion pages, people were so charmed, they decided to do the same at their showers.
The origin is very practical. Hen parties were organized by other women of the village if the bride's father didn't accept the groom and refused to give his daughter a decent dowry. During the party the bride was presented with various things he would need in the first phases of marriage.
Another version:
Second meaning: Bridal showers were to strengthen the ties between the bride and her friends.
Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed, Something Blue and a Silver Sixpence in her Shoe
Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue: Victorian age English rhyme, something old symbolizes the tie to the brides and her family's joint past; "something new" refers to a happy future.
Something "borrowed" is a token from someone already happily married and "something blue" the virgin Mary's color represent fidelity and innocence or in ancient days, blue (not white) represented purity, and the bride and groom would wear a blue band around the bottom of their wedding attire, hence something blue.
The rhyme ends with a line "and a sixpence in her shoe" wishing financial luck on the couple.
Another version: This rhyme originated in Victorian times. 'Something Old' signifies that the Couple's friends will stay with them. In one version of the tradition the 'Something Old' was an old garter which was given to the bride by a happily married woman so that the new bride would also enjoy a happy marriage. 'Something New' looks to the future for health, happiness and success. 'Something Borrowed' is an opportunity for the Bride's family to give her something as a token of their love (it must be returned to ensure Good Luck), and 'Something Blue' is lucky because Blue represents fidelity and constancy. The custom began in ancient Israel where brides wore a blue ribbon in their hair to symbolize their fidelity. A sixpence was placed in the shoe to bring the couple wealth in their married life. Some brides still place a penny in their shoe during the marriage ceremony.
White Wedding Gown
The first to wear a white wedding dress was Queen Anne of Brittany in 1499, but the real breakthrough was made by queen Victoria when she married Prince Albert in 1840 wearing a white silk and lace gown with an 18-foot train. Before her, royalty wore silver, the common people blue wedding dresses or just wore their best dress.
Veil
Greek and Roman brides carried yellow or red veils as symbols of fire intended to scare away evil spirits, often covering themselves completely. The ritual continued in mediaeval Europe, although the function had changed: the thick yellow veil prevented the groom from seeing the bride (and vice versa) before the ceremony - so preventing the groom from finding last-minute objections because of her appearance.
The lace veil is an American invention from the early 19th century - a groom had seen the bride through lace curtains in the window, and never tired of repeating how wonderful she had looked.
Best Man
A roman custom from 3rd century. The groom took the "best man" of the village with him when he went foraying for the bride of his choice. During the wedding ceremony, the best man's duties included preventing any angry relatives from reclaiming a stolen bride. Of the same origin comes the custom of the groom walking to the ceremony on the right hand side of the bride allowing him to use his sword for protection.
Bridesmaid and Bridal Bouquets
In ancient Egypt, the bride had several bridesmaids. They dressed as her copies in order to mislead the ghosts who were always looking to spoil the fun and cast a bad spell on the bride.
Bridesmaid's bouquets were originally made up of strong smelling herbs such as rosemary and garlic instead of flowers. This was to ward off evil spirits that may have been eyeing off the bridal party. They also wore similar dresses in order to confuse evil spirits.
As an ultimate security arrangement, the bride had a heavily scented bouquet of flowers and herbs to protect her from curses.
The Bridal Party
The wedding party traditionally came about as a means of support as well as protection. Since our primitive ancestors came together in tribes to promote protection and survival rather than mere companionship, the tribes often forbade intertribal marriages. In fact, some historians believe the first marriages may have been group marriages to the tribe rather than to any one person. Tribal rivalry soon provoked men from some tribes to capture women from other tribes to make wives of them. Thus the first groomsmen were usually small armies standing with the groom at the marriage ceremony to protect him and his wife-to-be from the bride's angry family.
Flower Girl and Rose petals in the aisle
Rose petals are thrown before the bride as she walks down the aisle to ward-off evil spirits below the ground and grant fertility.
Giving away the bride
In times when women were granted few privileges and even fewer personal rights, the bride was literally given away to the groom by the father, usually in exchange for monetary gain. Today, it is seen as symbolic of the blessings and support of her union as a promise of continued trust and affection. Often when the question is asked by a clergy during the ceremony, "Who gives this woman to be married to this man," the father's response is, "Her mother and I."
The wedding band and the ring finger
The round shape symbolizes the continuity of love. The gold is a symbol of the sun's strength. Roman wedding rings were carved with two clasped hands; very early rings had a key through which a woman could open her husband's heart. The ancient Egyptians believed a vein ran through the third finger that ran straight to the heart called "the vein of love".
In India it was the thumb. Russian couples utilize the ring finger on the right hand. BrideStuff.com can provide you with gloves. You can either buy fingerless gloves or cut the ring finger out and sew on beads or lace around the opening.
Another version: In ancient cultures it was believed that the third finger of the left hand, had a special vein called vena amoris, the vein of "love," that ran from the "ring finger" finger directly to the heart. There is, of course, no scientific basis for this romantic theory, but the custom has, nevertheless, endured through generations. It was King Edward VI of England who decreed that the third finger of the left hand be designated as the "official" ring finger and, in 1549, the Book of Common Prayer sealed the deal with the designation of the left hand as the marriage hand. Despite the designations, in many European countries brides wear their wedding rings on the right hand.
The Wedding Ring
The first rings were used almost 5,000 years ago, their shape symbolizing eternity. The golden engagement ring as an official sign of intention to marry was decreed by Pope Nicholas in 860 a.d. the diamonds in wedding rings? Trust the Italian grooms. In mediaeval times they favored them as a sign of the fire of love and the Venetian jewelers excelled in their design in the 17th century.
Kissing The Bride
Again a Roman habit; the kiss legally sealed the marriage contract.
Wedding Toast
From Rome, with delight. Bread was dipped in wine, again for fertility purposes.
Wedding Cake
In Rome a cake was crushed over the brides head to secure the fertility of the marriage. The cake was not eaten and the habit continued in mediaeval France - even though cooks already excelled with cakes of several tiers and icing. It took King Charles II of England to present a wedding cake complete with icing which was also meant to be eaten - and the trend was immediately set - thank goodness!
Wedding just wouldn't be complete without fertility symbols, like the wedding cake. Ancient Romans would bake a cake made of wheat or barley and break it over the bride's head as a symbol of her fertility. It became tradition to pile up several small cakes, one on top of the other, as high as they could, and the bride and groom would kiss over the tower and try not to knock it down. If they were successful, it meant a lifetime of prosperity. During the reign of King Charles II of England, it became customary to turn this cake into an enjoyably edible palace, iced with white sugar.
Another version: The Wedding Cake was originally lots of little wheat cakes that were broken over the Bride's head to bestow good luck and fertility. Today's three tier Wedding Cake is based on the unusual shape of the spire of Saint Bride's Church in London. Traditionally the newly-weds should make the first cut to signify sharing their life. Every guest than eats a crumb to ensure good luck. And sleeping with a piece under her pillow is said to make a single woman dream of her future husband. The giving of almond favors is connected with the motto: 'A gift of five almonds represents health, wealth, long life, fertility and happiness. The throwing of confetti, meanwhile is an ancient fertility rite. Handfuls of grain or nuts were traditionally thrown because they are 'life-giving' seeds. In some European countries, eggs are thrown instead (I can't imagine that one going over very well!)
Tossing the Bouquet & Garter
In the 14th century, having a piece of the bride's clothing was thought to bring good fortune. In order to obtain a piece of this lucky attire, guests would grab at the wedding dress and tear off pieces of it, leaving the dress in tatters. In order to stop this practice, brides began throwing items at the guests. One of these items was the garter belt. Today, it is usually the Groom who removes and tosses the garter to the unmarried men in attendance, while the Bride tosses her bouquet to the unmarried women. Those that catch either item are said to be the next to marry. In some instances, it is said that they will marry each other.
Another version: Tossing the garter is remnant of the times when the wedding guests would follow the bridal couple to the room where the consummation would take place. In rowdiness, guests would paw at the bridal couple, cheering them onto the pending "act of sexual union." It was up to the Best Man to chase the guests away. Lucky would be the guest who actually stole a piece of clothing from the bride or groom! In time, a piece of clothing (such as the garter) was thrown at the lively mob to appease their bawdy appetite. Though we no longer openly celebrate the consummation, we still cheer on the offering of the garter.
Throwing Rice
In pagan times, grain was thrown over the couple for luck with conception and easy pregnancies.
Old Shoes And Cans Towed By The Wedding Car
In Egypt, the father of the bride gave his son in law his daughter's sandals as a token of passing the responsibility for her. In Britain, at the end of the 15th century, the wedding guests started throwing shoes after the carriage of the couple, with a touch as a sign of good luck. The noise (as with the cans) has always had the effect of chasing away evil spirits.
Another version: The tradition of tying old shoes to the back of the Couple's car stems from Tudor times when guests would throw shoes at the Bride & Groom, with great luck being bestowed on them if they or their carriage were hit!
In Anglo Saxon times the Bride was symbolically struck with a shoe by her Groom to establish his authority. Brides would then throw shoes at their bridesmaids to see who would marry next.
Carrying The Bride Over The Threshold
This was originally done to protect the bride from any evil spirits, which may be hiding beneath the threshold. It is also said to have been done to the bride's who were stolen, as they would not enter by their own means.
An alternative is that the bride will be unlucky if she steps into the new home with the left foot first. The bride can avoid both mishaps by being carried.
Hindu's have a similar tradition. The bride is carried by her new husband so that she does not touch the threshold when entering her new home.
Another custom states to avoid bad luck, a bride must never trip or fall on the way into her new home - hence the custom that a bride should be carried over the threshold.
Honeymoon
Connected to the custom of stealing the bride. The groom took the bride to a hideaway and if she wasn't rescued within a month she was legally his catch. In ancient Babylon, on the other had, the father in law was entitled to pamper the groom for a month with beer made of honey. And in pagan times in Europe, the bride was supposed to drink honey nectar for a month after the wedding to secure fertility.
Another version: The Groom hid his new Bride for one month for mating purposes. It is said that the word "honeymoon" was created to describe this one month cycle of the moon when they would drink mead, which was a honey sweetened alcoholic brew that effects both sobriety and the acidity of the womb, thus increasing fertility.
Some modern traditions include: - The bride presents a single flower from her bouquet to her mother on her way down the aisle, and one to her new mother in law on her way back up the aisle after she has been married.
- If you have a well-behaved pet pooch, some couples are now decorating their pet dogs in flowers and placing a small ring pillow around their neck. They take the place of a ring bearer or pageboy.
- Have your bridal bouquet preserved and framed so you will have it always as a memento from your special day.
- Once I observed a beautiful ceremony when there were two sets of children from previous marriages involved in the marriage. Just before the preacher announced the couple as man and wife, he asked that the children from both the bride and groom walk up the aisle and join their parents. The children from both parents held hands and formed a semi-circle behind the bride and groom. The preacher then pronounced them man and wife in holy matrimony and presented the "new family" to all the wedding guests. The children encircling their parents as in acceptance of this union was a particularly beautiful and moving gesture and one I'll always remember.
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